DOING IT OURSELVES
Photo by Cathy deMoll
The funeral home does not have to be called right away.... or at all....
PREPARING THE BODY
Photo courtesy of Sacred Crossings
It's a sweet, sweet powerful process to wash, oil and dress the body of a loved one or someone you have helped to cross over. Essential oils & sprays, flowers, beautiful fabrics, special clothes and objects. Saying goodbye to the body and making it beautiful can greatly aid the grieving process, whether the next step is a funeral home crematorium, or a more homemade burial or even a pyre.
Photo courtesy of Liferights.com
It can be done in a hospital or nursing home setting as well as at home. Institutional caregivers are increasingly aware of and open to family members wanting this privilege. Hospice nurses in particular know the importance of this and are often willing to help if guidance is needed.
Photo courtesy of Sacred Crossings
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Here's an article about taking a body home from the hospital and the funeral home that helped them do it (in Everett, Washington) - "When My Brother-in-Law Died We skipped the Funeral Parlor and Took Him Home."
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Vigils
It is an ancient custom in many cultures for family and community members to sit with their dead for 2 or 3 days. This practice has been mostly lost in our modern culture. But we've done it more than once locally. Even if it's just for a few hours. Or sitting quietly through the rest of the night. Or the body beautifully laid out in a peaceful room for people to commune with - children in and out, potluck food, remembrance stories, tears and laughter. A precious time to say a very special good-bye.
Image: Raven Love by Colleen Gara
Image: Raven Love by Colleen Gara
Home Funerals
Home Funeral Alliance
They publish a book called: "Undertaken With Love: A Home Funeral Guide for Families and Community Care Groups"
"In most of the US, a family may care for its own dead until burial or cremation without involving licensed funeral professionals. It requires a willingness to be something of a pioneer in today’s hands-off society, but those who have chosen to reclaim this historical tradition confirm that the process is enormously healing and meaningful. While a motivated family can acquire the legal knowledge and practical skills to arrange a home or family-directed funeral, the process is eased considerably when a group assists. Undertaken With Love was created to help families and community care groups learn ways to continue caring for their loved ones all the way to the cemetery or crematory. This manual will teach you how to research state laws and identify your legal rights and responsibilities; how to handle, bathe and transport the body; and how to create and sustain an effective community care group."
They publish a book called: "Undertaken With Love: A Home Funeral Guide for Families and Community Care Groups"
"In most of the US, a family may care for its own dead until burial or cremation without involving licensed funeral professionals. It requires a willingness to be something of a pioneer in today’s hands-off society, but those who have chosen to reclaim this historical tradition confirm that the process is enormously healing and meaningful. While a motivated family can acquire the legal knowledge and practical skills to arrange a home or family-directed funeral, the process is eased considerably when a group assists. Undertaken With Love was created to help families and community care groups learn ways to continue caring for their loved ones all the way to the cemetery or crematory. This manual will teach you how to research state laws and identify your legal rights and responsibilities; how to handle, bathe and transport the body; and how to create and sustain an effective community care group."
Green Burials
Ecologically thoughtful ways of laying loved ones to rest are increasingly popular. (Sadly cremation takes a lot of fossil fuel energy and releases toxins (mercury fillings and the like) into the environment We've dedicated a whole page to this growing movement.
Staying Close to Home
When a beloved local toddler left his body after a long illness, a family friend wove him a basket casket - a nest really - out of willow branches. Then the people who had attended his home birth were invited to decorate it with cedar, feathers and herbs like pearly everlasting, lavender and usnea. He was buried on a hilltop on his family's farm in a grave dug by his uncles and other young men in the community.
Even HomeGrown Funeral Pyres....
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